Hello. I'm pansexual.

I've never been…well…I hate to use the word “normal”, because what is normality? Basically, I've never cared about fitting in. I am not fussed if I don’t do things that a man should do – I had long hair for a long time, my favourite colour is purple, all I know about cars is that they are vehicles which go fast, and I am happy that I am skinny and not at all muscly. My favourite pop star (Michael Jackson) is a man who wore shiny clothes and make-up, with a high-pitched voice. One of my long-term best friends is a girl who doesn’t wear make-up, hates wearing dresses, and only has one pair of shoes. The point I am putting across: all through my life, I've never cared whether a man is manly, or a girl is girly, or any other such gender stereotypes; gender has never mattered to me, not one bit.

With this in mind, I have recently come to terms with the fact that I am pansexual. Heterosexuality means you like the opposite gender, bisexuality means you like either male or female, whereas pansexuality means you can like any human-being; ultimately, it means that gender is irrelevant in determining whether you find someone attractive. Basically, this means I don’t care what someone is; if they have an attractive personality, I can fall in love with them. I only care about “who” they are, not “what” they are.

All through my life, it has always bemused me when people have a "type"; specifically, one that is based upon physical factors such as height, weight, even things like hair-colour. I've always thought "surely a person's personality is so much more important than all those things? To such an extent that it renders them utterly irrelevant?"

So, I have always said that personality was the only thing that mattered when someone asked me "what do you look for in a girlfriend?" It is only relatively recently (within the last few months) that I have accepted within myself the fact that I consider gender irrelevant when looking for a partner. It's an element of my being which has always been there - I spent a fair bit of time in my teenage years questioning sexuality - it has just taken me a while to process/accept. This makes sense, really, considering I didn't have my first kiss until I was 20. It was around this time that I thought "would I care if this person was a man?" - the answer in my head was always an immediate "no". Not only would I not care if she was a man, but I had to ask myself "why am I asking that question?" - I guess the answer was pretty obvious.

If someone is utterly lovely, and encapsulates everything you have ever wanted in a partner, then why does it matter what they are? Who they are is all that is important to me.

Humanity is beautiful.

Love,

Tom.